I am a gym rat, I'll be the first to admit. I've relaxed in the last year or so, but I am still fairly diligent about getting there at least 5 times a week. My diet is good 80% of the time, I call this all a win.
Until, I got a call yesterday. My mom had breast cancer 3 years ago. Her mom also had it when I was a kid. So, with the family history, once I hit 35 I had to start having preventative mammograms. I went in on this past Tuesday for my 2nd one. In reality, they're not that bad. Uncomfortable, yes, but its worth it to make sure you're healthy.
Last year I remember feeling a little anxious, but mostly because I didn't know what to expect. I got my letter of clearance the next day. This time, I felt really anxious, almost like White Coat syndrom that makes your blood pressure go up. not even 24 hours later, I got a call from the nurse. The left side is looking funny, so we need to take more pictures and do an ultra sound. Try not to freak out, its just precautionary.
Yeah, try as I might, this has scared the hell out of me. I keep thinking abuot my son growing up without his mom. How would he remember me? As a grouchy mom who yells alot? As a fun mom who took him places and was always at his sports and scouts? How would my friends remember me? It was so awful..... you really can not jump the gun. You have to try and breathe deep.
But, I decided I needed to forego the gym last night and get my kid right from school. Hug him. Love him. Kiss him. and take him to the park. I have to go in in an hour for my follow up. I am not going to lie. I feel sick and am shaking with nerves...... Stay tuned. I hope to come back with good news!