Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Results

I realized I never came back to update this. 2 weeks ago was the WORST day of my life so far. I got to the clinic and upon check in the receptionist asked for my ID and said, I know who wants to sit in as someone else for their mammo, but there are strange people out there. And then she wished me luck. Ugh. that's a little unnerving.

When I got in they showed me the pictures from the mammo I'd had that Tuesday. There it was, clear as a bell. A bean sized lump. My heart sank. She got me ready and took 2 more pictures on the left side. I could see them in a reflection in a picture on the wall behind her computer. I saw the spot again and just felt like.... ugh. My son. what will my son do without me to help raise him? That is the thought that ran through my head over and over. How will he remember me? Have I been a good enough mom? How will my friends and family remember me?

I was then taken for an ultrasound. It ended up being more like 3 different ultrasounds as they started exploring the lymph nodes of my arm pit. That made me feel very edgy. I know that the statistics for Breast Cancer are more in my favor now, but lymph nodes? That is not a good thing...... The Dr. came in at this point, and I have to say that between him and the ultrasound tech I had the BEST care possible. They were both so calming and honest with me. They made me feel as comfortable as possible. And for that I will be forever grateful!

The Doc decided he needed to biopsy this lump. and that about set me over the edge. Wasn't this just supposed to be a quick check up? an hour at most? at this point I'd been there for almost 2 hours and my anxiety was at an all time high. It took them about 20 miutes to get the paper work and the room ready. The proceedure itself took maybe a half hour at most. I was numbed up and then they had to paper punch some samples and put a clip in. Then I had ONE more picture taken. My head hurt at this point. and the worst, I wouldn't get the results until the next morning.

I tried my hardest to keep a clear head about me. To not let my mind wander, but it was really hard. I'd be fine one minute and then the next wondering how I was going to tell everyone if it came back positive.

9:15 on the nose on Friday June 7th. The Dr called me and said that my path report had him grinning from ear to ear. It was CLEAR!!!! whahoo!!!!!! He and I both had this sinking feeling it was going to come back positive, so this was the most wonderful news ever!!!!!!!!!

I spent that afternoon running games at Will's school carnival and then had 3 close friends come over and we celebrated my good news with some wine.

I felt sore and bruised for a good week and a half after. I started running again that Monday and that worked, but was a tad painful. So, mostly I have recovered except a little scarring from where the Dr. made incisions. The mental and emotional wounds though, are still here and I think I got so freaked out that it's taking me a while to work through everything.

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